Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
