CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
