my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
