There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
