he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
