Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can text with my tongue
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
