She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.