FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.