please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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