If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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