you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
