And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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