I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this just has baby written all over it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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