She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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