yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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