I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
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Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.