The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.