I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason