do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
how drunk are you?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.