someone owes me an orgasm
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
