Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
