PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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