he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
