just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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