the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was like eating out sand paper
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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