i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
