he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
