My first STD was from a foam party
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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