so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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