You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
