I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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