You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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