I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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