i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
