Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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