he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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