I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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