With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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