And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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