I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
