K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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