so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
