Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
