"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
