I wannas sexs uuuuu
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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