I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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