I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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