I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
