Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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