ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
