Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
