He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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