they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
is it fun? or sober?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
