Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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