pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
