just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
