I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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