i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize