Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
