Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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