Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
