I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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