p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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